[1877. The noise of a steam engine approaching, slowing and coming to a halt at a station platform]
Station Master: Stand back ladies and gentleman, let the passengers off first…come on, you young baboon, I’ve just asked everyone to wait for boarding…why not help some of those ladies off?…that’s it, good lad…keep back everyone, please…let that little crowd of savages off first…holidays can’t come quickly enough…wait for it…alright, on you all go…make sure you’ve got tickets handy…’specially you, miss, don’t want a repeat of last week…very good, keep it moving…I want to get off sharpish, so…
[His tone suddenly shifts]
…Why good morning, Mr. Darwin…how very splendid to see you back in Bishopstoke… are you staying with the eldest again? Well that’s lovely. You will send my regards, won’t you now, sir? And tell him that box of specimens he’s waiting for was only held up a day or two in London, I know for a fact they’re coming down by the next luggage…Careful there, sir, no need to hurry yourself, we won’t push off till you’re safely on board…Let’s take a peek at the ticket…On your way to Salisbury…very nice…visit the cathedral, is it? [Pause] Oh, you’re travelling on to the Stones! Well, fancy that…never been to the old pagan temple myself… [Pause] Are you sure that’s the best idea, sir? I mean, it’s a quite a ride on from the City, and …well, you’ve not been looking the sturdiest these last couple of years… Ah, it’s more of the researches, is it? Well, there’ll be no stopping you, then. Tell you what, sir, I’ll hop on with you as far as Romsey…I don’t trust that station master to help you off the other end…no, no, it’s no trouble, sir, not a bit, be nice to sit and have a chat with your good self…Let’s just get you inside first…if you just could hand me the walking cane…that’s it…watch out for that gap between step and platform edge…they make ‘em fearful large these days…carefully…there we are…
[We hear the carriage door slam shut, his whistle blowing, and the steam train rolling off]
Well, this is merry. Not to pry, sir, but that box of specimens…it’s for you, isn’t it, not for Mr. William? [Pause] Thought so…always a sign you’ve come for a stay when the mail deliveries go up and the boxes start coming in…I had a peek at the labels, actually…lots of lovely soil samples and whatnot – I thought, “Ah that’s nice, he’s back to his botanicals”. What’s that? Earthworms? Well… [A bit nonplussed] Well…So that’s what’s got you on your travels today is it, sir? See what the little beggars are getting up to under the Plain? I’m an admirer of the humble earthworm myself, everything’s got its place in the grand scheme…it may not look like much but all life’s a miracle in its own way, isn’t it? I mean, we’ve got you to thank for showing us that, sir, haven’t we? Still knocks me flat, to think how something as simple as a worm can, over the course of eons, transform itself into something vastly more…elevated. Now every time I see a bird hoicking one of them things up and gulping it down I can imagine it’s chomping on what might have been its distant, distant ancestor…remarkable…
[Pause. We hear the stationmaster tapping his foot for a moment]
Of course, as I’m sure you’re aware, sir, there’s plenty’ll get the wrong end of that particular stick. You may know, but down Southampton way we’ve got our fair share of your so-called ‘Radicals’. I’ve had some enjoyable spats with them, after hours, in the drinking holes. Great admirers of your work some of them are, and I can’t fault them for that. But I know that’s not the sort you’re writing for, Mr. Darwin sir. See, that’s the kind of fella thinks a man is an earthworm, if you get what I’m saying. No difference, except one’s sprouted arms and legs and eyes and ears and a brain. “Well”, they say, “if it all stems from nothing, or from just a couple of blobs in the muck and you give it all enough time, then time is the only difference”. No sense of the space between you and me on the one hand, and a thing that crawls blind in the dirt on the other. And of course, once you’ve persuaded yourself of that, well nothing’s worth respecting is it, sir? Nothing, and no one. I hate to call anyone a bigot, but that argues a very closed sort of a mind to me, if I may say so.
[Pause as the steam whistle blows]
See, the way I see it sir, Nature being the marvelous, mysterious force she is, there’s always going to come a point where she exceeds her own expectations, makes a jump, a leap into the unknown. And at that point she looks back over her shoulder and sees – well – the gulf that’s left behind. A bit like a train journey, sir. It’s all interconnected, of course, and you’ve got your branch lines here and your branch lines there – but when I finally step out onto that platform at King’s Cross Station, I might as well be in another world. There’s no comparison.
[Pause]
Speaking of, we’re nearly at Romsey now. Let’s get you safely on your feet, ready to step off…that’s it… I’ve been meaning to ask you, sir, that last book of yours, just a few years back, what you said about us all having our forefathers among the apes and the monkeys… you weren’t actually in earnest about that now, were you? Pulling our legs a bit there? Having a gentle laugh at the Radicals’ expense? Ah, yes! That little smile says it all, sir. No need to say any more. I won’t be the one to let on. Just between two of us! Now, let’s get you down nice and careful for the next leg…that’s it, sir…steady as you go…and mind that blessed gap, sir…mind that gap now…
homo monologous 